the worst part,

Is sitting here. Staring at something that you know could make all the difference, but there's something stopping you. This lit screen is watching you waste away your time looking at it, clicking things, typing things, having a life. But really it's such a menace.

I wouldn't be in this position if it wasn't for this stupid machine. Although I'm entirely thankful for it and everything, it made a lot of bad things happen. It makes it nearly impossible to get over things. Because there's always a reminder. It's just horrible.

And there's nothing you can do about it. You sit here, planning out what you want to say in your head. You have the perfect thing typed up - worded correctly, spell checked, grammar checked, not too suggestive but still gets your point across - but you can't send it. It could be for a couple of reasons;

1. That person doesn't want to read it, and you know it.
2. What if it just fucks things up more. I suppose it's better to leave it, right?
3. What if it is misunderstood.
4. You're scared of things getting back to how they were.

I mean, really. It's not like it was fun. It was confusing. But it was also habit. I'm not used to being ignored and disliked. I hate being hated.

And yet your fingers still slide along the keys, adding more and more as days go by to that one unsent message that you know the other person has no interest in reading, and will probably only make them more disconnected.

But you absolutely refuse to delete it -_-