Spring cleaning

Of my mind, my heart, and my life.

I need to cut people out, and make people work for what they gain. I can't automatically give everyone all of me. My trust is fucked up, It has been for a while, and it's worse now. But oh well. I'll live. It's time for me to grow up and realize that it's not all about me. Some people aren't going to think the same way I do, some people aren't going to like the same things, some people aren't going to care. They aren't going to care about me, how I feel, or my world in general. And I'm just going to have to accept that. And I think I'm ready.

I need to clean out my mind of anything relating to a few specific people. I will start being happy with what I have. Friendships, relationships, possessions, everything is to be cherished and not abused. I don't show nearly enough appreciation for what I have. I get mad at my parents on a whim, but never thank them for the effort they put in. I get pissed when I get bad grades, but don't put in nearly enough work as I should. I get mad when people backstab me, but don't know them well enough for them to know things in the first place. I just need to stop, slow down, back away, and take a good look at things before I leap in.

I bought some new books today, they're both supposed to be very good. I'm reading Cut right now. It's really good, and very interesting. The other one I got is about a girl who's boyfriend died and she still feels connected to him through the grave - it's a book about soulmates. A lot of things have started to lessen my belief in love. I used to think that love at first sight existed - I don't anymore. I used to have no doubt in soul mates - now I need convincing. I'm surprised that I don't just throw the entire idea of love out the window right now. But I know people love me. Maybe not all the ones I want, maybe not the right ones at times, but people do. And I should appreciate that. I say that people who have partners don't appreciate the love they get - but I don't fully appreciate the love and care I get from my parents, which a lot of other people don't have. it's just another thing to get over and move on with.