I feel helpless.

I feel weak, and like I don't have the power to overcome this. I know better, I know that I'm doing everything I shouldn't, but for some reason I just don't care - the more I let go, the happier I am. But I don't know if it's really worth it. What happens if mistakes are made? They sure as hell will be - some already have been. That's really the reason I feel so god damn helpless right now. There's nothing I can do but wait. Nothing but sit here and keep my fingers crossed. It's getting old...I don't care.

School is almost over, thank God. I want summer. I can almost taste the freedom and epic times I'll have. I want everything to just be simple. So many complications in life, so many walls holding you back from people you yearn to get close to. I hate those walls. I hate them so much, and it makes me so angry. Fuck.

I'm in a bad mood. And there's only one thing that can make me get out of it, but I don't know if that will happen. I should read. Or sleep. I really should sleep, I'm so overly tired. I've been taking naps throughout the day which I never do. I don't know what's wrong with me, but it's like at any point in time, my eyelids just close. I can't control it. Once again, I need summer. I need sleep.

I need warmth and the feeling of being free for the first time in my life. I need to forget, let go, do what makes me happy, not care. It's something that I've been trying to do for a while and still just can't grasp - but I will. I know I will.

I need to.